


what am i now

by g0ldendays



Category: Formula 2 RPF, Motorsport RPF
Genre: Formula Regional Europe - Mugello, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26796046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g0ldendays/pseuds/g0ldendays
Summary: Marcus visits Mugello. Jüri doesn't want to be there.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	what am i now

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this got kinda deep and angsty real fast but seeing Marcus was at Mugello today just. sparked my motivation to write, I guess. We all need a friend who calls us out on our bullshit from time to time. Also, I need to stop listening to Fine Line and taking all my fic titles from there but it's just so good.
> 
> KIC Motorsport is Jüri's FREC team, in case anyone was wondering!

All Jüri can do when he sees Marcus a bit further down the pitlane is sigh. Deeply. It's not that he's annoyed with Marcus - quite the contrary. But this isn't Formula 2, they're not on the same grid right now and Marcus isn't even supposed to be here. Jüri's doing Formula Regional Europe, and not because he thinks it's good fun but because he needs the super licence points this series provides. If he manages to perform well, that is. He's wearing a new suit with the wrong flag on it, it's raining and he's already in a terrible mood. He knows it shows on his face, he's been walking around like a little thundercloud all morning and people have been getting out of his way as he stomps down the paddock. Jüri likes Mugello as much as the next person but to be here again, in a much lower tier series and a car he doesn't really get yet only weeks after having driven here in F2? No, thank you. Seeing Marcus just reminds him of what he could've had this year, to be with them all year long in Formula 2 and learning that car and those tyres. Not scrapping in a lower tier than he should be just because Helmut Marko decided he wasn't gonna waste budget on getting Jüri's failing ass into F2. Because that's pretty much how it was presented to him - he didn't get the necessary super licence points last year, so now he's having to fend for himself in other series with hardly any help from Red Bull. And they're still expecting him to reach their ridiculously high standards, the same ones they've set for Yuki - except Yuki did get the budget for F2. 

Oh sure, being jealous and petty about it won't help and Jüri knows that better than anyone, but it still stings. It feels like punishment. And Marcus is currently being a painful reminder of that. So he hopes Marcus can forgive him as he stomps past him to the KIC awning without anything more than a 'hi Marcus'. In the split second he catches Marcus' eye, a lot of things cross the other boy's mind - he can see it. They might not be obvious to see for just anyone, but Jüri's known Marcus a lot longer than most people and they can read each other like an open book at this point. Most of the time it's useful, but now he knows Marcus is confused and a little hurt by the cold greeting. He wants nothing more than to go back, apologise and tell his friend everything that's on his mind but he _can't_ because a. his pride won't allow him to, and b. he has to be getting ready for the race right this second and he's already running late. 

Any thought of Marcus and Jüri's own dwindling career disappears from his mind as soon as he's on the grid. It's a safety car start, since it's raining, and while Jüri usually quite enjoys rain races, he just wants this one over with. He ends up crossing the line in second, miles behind the Prema in first place. He doesn't really care for the trophy or the podium, just wants to get the briefing over with so he can analyse where he needs to do better and gain more time if he wants to secure as many points as possible. He's completely lost in thoughts of numbers and settings and brake balances as he leaves the KIC awning with his bag thrown over one shoulder, doesn't look where he's going, just wants to get back to his hotel. Until he finds his way blocked by none other than a slightly annoyed Kiwi who doesn't look like he's gonna budge anytime soon. "Do you mind?" Jüri says, and he hears the annoyance in his own voice. He doesn't mean to, but everything comes out wrong today.

"Are you done or are you gonna keep treating me like a punching bag for all your problems?" Marcus snaps back. Okay, he deserved that one. Jüri deflates and instead of annoyance and anger, he just feels hollow. "Done?" Jüri just nods without saying another word. Trust Marcus to snap him out of his mood with a taste of his own medicine. "Good, then come with me." Marcus drags him along by his sleeve to a rental Alfa Romeo, undoubtedly courtesy of the FDA. Jüri had to take a cab here this morning. "Get in." It says a lot about his mental state right now that he doesn't even try to argue with Marcus but just gets in the car with him. "I didn't mean for you to shut up entirely," Marcus sighs as he starts the car and leaves the track. "Talk to me. Like a civilised person."

Jüri doesn't really have a whole lot to say. He doesn't even know where his thoughts start or end and what to say to Marcus to even start unravelling the mess. So he just shrugs.

"Okay, you're starting to worry me now," Marcus says, looking at Jüri sideways real quick before directing his attention back to the road. 

"I'm fine," Jüri replies, an automatic response he's developed lately whenever anyone even seems to be coming close enough to see what's really going on.

"Yeah, you're gonna have to try a bit harder to sound convincing."

"Just busy," Jüri tries again.

"Try that with someone who doesn't know you as well as I do," Marcus replies. "And stop trying to talk circles around me, we both know damn well you're full of shit. So talk to me."

"I don't wanna be here," Jüri says. 

Marcus blinks while he's processing that. "I'm hoping you don't mean in the car with me right now or you got another thing coming. Formula Regional?" he guesses and Jüri nods. 

"It feels like punishment." For not beating any of the Premas last year, for not getting the super licence points, for disappointing Red Bull, for failing the one task he had last year. "They put me under so much pressure with no backup or support and I'm just supposed to navigate that without any help while jumping from series to series and team to team." Marcus doesn't argue with him, just lets him talk and listens. "I know I threw it away in Monza and then again in Sochi and I'm supposed to be faster and smarter and make no errors but that's just not who I am. And I don't know if it's realistic for them to expect me to be like that. And the constant looming threat of being dropped. He doesn't even have to say it because I know if I don't achieve what they want me to, I'm out and I won't have any other options. Who wants a dropped Red Bull driver who can't even get super licence points? I know I wouldn't."

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there," Marcus interrupts. "For one, we're at the hotel, and two, you're so much more than disposable. You're a champion and a damn good driver. And if they just treat you as disposable, that's their loss."

"Yeah, it might be their loss but it's my career in the trash because I don't have the budget for anything else otherwise," Jüri says miserably, following Marcus inside and to the elevator. He's not even sure how Marcus knew which hotel to go to but he's sharper than most people would think. Probably got the information from someone from KIC. Or maybe from Jüri's manager. Probably his manager, that seems more likely, Marcus knows him as well from their Prema days. 

"Drop off your stuff and get changed into something comfortable," Marcus says as they step into the elevator. "We're watching a movie in my room and I don't take no for an answer today." For once, Jüri wasn't going to argue. A movie and spending some time with one of his best friends sounds pretty good right about now. So he does as Marcus says, changes into a hoodie and some sweatpants and then finds Marcus' room, one floor up from his own. Marcus lets him in with a grin on his face. He's picked some cheesy old movie they've already seen 10 times over the years, but it means Jüri doesn't need to spend all his energy trying to keep up with the story and instead, he talks to Marcus some more. He's feeling sufficiently cosy and comfortable now, in a hoodie and tucked under the blankets of the double bed. He discusses everything that's on his mind, which seems to be easier now that he knows Marcus is listening and they even end up exchanging experiences with the Pirelli F2 tyres. He hopes it can help Marcus a little, somehow. It surprises him how he's feeling marginally better, less like a little thundercloud and more like the occasional flash of lightning but without the heaviness of it.

Jüri feels himself getting more and more sleepy and as he slowly drifts off with his head on Marcus' shoulder, his last coherent thought is how glad he is that Marcus is here.

**Author's Note:**

> Did I just write a fic in one sitting from start to finish? Who is she? 
> 
> Let me know what you think! :)


End file.
